1.03 - Town Trivia

Hello, listeners. It is midnight on Mercy Mountain once again, and I, Julian Glass, am here to pacify your nocturnal souls.

[intro]

Tonight, I’ve decided to have a little fun and have a trivia night! I will be reading snippets of trivia about Mercy Mountain and its residents throughout the broadcast. I’ll start off with one of the more intriguing ones: Did you know that our little town has not technically been founded yet? I didn’t know this myself until researching for this broadcast, despite being a lifelong resident of Mercy Mountain, but the town cannot be officially founded until the year 2161, when the goddess Maitrenu descends from the heavens and declares war on air fresheners.

Before our next piece of trivia, let’s venture around town. Elderly Juniper Solo is busy building an altar in her backyard. On it she has carefully placed boxes of lightbulbs, scented candles, and detailed portraits of Mothman, whom she is trying to summon.

The self-proclaimed wizard Znerp has spent his night so far casting spells to banish the kudzu that is conquering his front porch. He has done this every night for three years.

Penelope Dunlap on the west side of town lovingly rubs eczema cream onto her partner’s arms, not because he can’t, but because he is dear to her.

One of the workers at the animal shelter, Alton Davis, cleans out the cage of someone’s abandoned pet bicycle. This is his favorite animal out of all of them, though don’t tell the Fruit Basket kittens (Apple, Cherry, Passionfruit, Kiwi, and Mango).

[soft voice] Kitties. [normal voice] I want to adopt those kittens—any kitten, really—but Shinji won’t let me. They are my self-control when it comes to things like adopting cats, video gaming, and making sacrifices to the old gods.

Time for another two tidbits of Mercy Mountain trivia: Joseph Snyder, Mercy Mountain Community College professor, has a fear that his co-workers will find out about the map to Atlantis he has stashed in his desk.

Secondly, the Temple of Tridasi is based here in town. The congregants worship primarily with their voices. If they did not sing, chant, or cry out their love for their goddess, she would not know they worship her, nor would Tridasi’s power spread throughout the world.

[interlude]

Have you ever seen the shadows? The ones lurking beneath the surface of the New River? The ones that are probably not fish? That begin to reach up when you are not looking? You don’t need to worry about them. They are just the local souls who trespassed upon another reality.

Here is a word from tonight’s sponsor: You have a passion for reading. Reading is so much fun! you think. This thought comes naturally. You do love reading, after all. You love it so much that you have run out of room on your bookshelves, and you have no place to put more shelving in your small apartment. You wish there were a way for you to accumulate more books without having piles and stacks and mounds of them. Hm. You contemplate your dilemma, standing with your fists on your hips, facing one of your bookshelves. What is that smell? You sniff. [brief pause] Oh. It’s you. Time to take a shower. Use The Body Shop for all your bodily cleanliness needs.

Another morsel of trivia: our local miners’ museum is only the second building in the world to ever be infested with earthworms. The first was a building at McMurdo Station. An aside about earthworms—I know I’m supposed to be focusing on trivia about Mercy Mountain, but I can’t resist telling you this—they are not native to this planet! They are though, from this solar system, and are native to our sun!

One of the extraordinarily tall people in red robes who fish for catfish and loose souls from the New River amid the darkness—specifically, the one that regularly spray paints various ears on the post office—has expanded to chalk art and is currently drawing ornate pieces of furniture on the sidewalks in front of town hall. The dresser they are working on at this moment is lovely, to be honest. They are a skilled artist.

That reminds me, I used to be an amateur photographer. I like to think I got pretty good. My favorite photographs included a blurry image of a man dressed as Groucho Marx, the concept of trust, and a set of human teeth half-buried in the dirt. If you want, listeners, you can send in some of the favorite photos you have taken, and I can describe them here on the air! Just send copies of your photographs to Mercy Mountain Radio, mmmzzzzznnnewrgh, Mercy Mountain, West Virginia, [that popping noise you make in your throat].

Two pieces of movie-related trivia are up next! Mercy Mountain is home to the Rita Hayworth! Isn’t that great? You know, I had a mild obsession with her in middle school. Also, this town inspired the movie Jaws 2.

I have been taking a few continuing education courses at Mercy Mountain Community College. You know, just for my own edification. They are pretty affordable as well, if any of you listeners are interested. One of the best ones I’ve taken was American Swine Language. A course I highly recommend is Introduction to Python Programming: Programming your Robotic Snake to Do Cool Stuff. Currently, Alejandra—my necromancer scientist friend—is taking Chemistry of Mathematics with me. That one is a bit confusing, and I haven’t done science in years, but Alejandra is a real help! She does chemistry all the time in her line of work, so she is a natural at applying the subject to math instead of corpses.

Some more trivia: the brown recluse spiders that hatch here in Mercy Mountain can speak French, but so quietly you cannot hear them.

Let’s get back to what folks are doing around town.

At the urgent care clinic, the staff are throwing a birthday party for Dr. Hope Seymour. There is a cake shaped like a snail; Dr. Seymour has a few pet snails, and cares for them deeply. She beams as her co-workers sing “Happy Birthday” to her in Esperanto.

Sheila Carroll, owner of Etsy shop “AroAceQuiltMaster” is sewing a quilt from old T-shirts with cracking decals that signify important events in the soon-to-be-quilt-owner’s life: the time their college cross country team were conference champions, their time in grad school, et cetera. It is turning out wonderfully, as usual. Good work, Sheila.

The local coven that lives in the tunnels underneath town that can be accessed through most refrigerators practices hexes on moles.

Geordi Norris, soybean farmer, is out night-fishing in his boat on the New River. How have those extraordinarily tall people in red robes not caught his soul on their fishing lines yet? Perhaps it is because of their mutual interest in fishing.

Let us round out tonight’s broadcast with the last few bits of trivia I found:

Mercy Mountain has a vending machine that dispenses the meaning of life.

Fenna van der Berg, journalist for the Daily Dispatch, is only aloof because if she becomes too friendly, she might let slip about what she learned from the jellyfish.

Hydrochloric acid is the primary export of Mercy Mountain.

Stay tuned for the most obnoxious ringtone on your phone ringing continuously for hours, and you finding yourself unable to turn it off. Have a wonderful rest of your night, Mercy Mountain.