1.08 - A Year Abroad

Hello, listeners. It is midnight in Mercy Mountain once again, and I, Julian Glass, am here to relieve your nocturnal souls.

[intro]

I am feeling rather nostalgic tonight, listeners. Shinji and I are cleaning out some closets, and I began going through some of my old things from college. I have found photographs, an old Mercy Mountain Community College cap I had thought lost, and souvenirs from my year studying abroad.

I don’t believe I’ve told any stories of my time out of the country here on the air. I think I just might do that tonight.

But first, let’s hear a Fun Fact. Some mushrooms are edible. Some are poisonous. Others still can induce great sadness in those who consume them. One species can grant you telepathic powers, but only if you eat it on a Tuesday. All are served by HelloFresh, who has brought us tonight’s Fun Fact.

Several years ago, I spent a couple of semesters in Europe, at the University of Anti-Education in the country of Denmark. I stayed with a host family, who spoke little English. This was a bit of a problem for a time, as I spoke essentially no Danish. But they were wonderful hosts despite this lack of ability to communicate, and I came to learn their wonderfully soundless language.

I spent my semesters exploring the city in which the university was located, visiting restaurants and bars and local shops. There was a museum that I visited a number of times; it focused on the history of window cleaners across time. The city was also home to a hat-themed amusement park. I got lice, but had a great visit!

More on my time abroad in a bit. For now, let’s take a look around town. Local sharpshooter Syd Jones enters the Diner on the Summit. Leanna, the server on shift tonight, beams upon seeing Syd and pulls out a chair for zem to give zem room to fit zir wheelchair at the table. They run through small talk before Syd asks Leanna about her volleyball league, and the two chat about that for a while.

Mercy Mountain Community College zoology professor Nicholas Wilson is up late working on grading quizzes from a summer course he teaches, called Aardvarks: What Are They? What Is Their Purpose? What am I? Am I An Aardvark?

The self-proclaimed wizard Znerp is attempting to make a spell that forces the recipient to speak only in rhymes.

[interlude]

After each semester I spent abroad, I spent some time traveling Denmark and the region of Europe the country resides in. In Denmark, I journeyed to the Granite Obelisk, which you must approach only on your knees, head bowed, mouth frothing with fervor and worship, so that it may implant in your brain an unanswerable, unspeakable question. I crawled there surrounded by dozens of other intrigued and excited tourists, but that is pretty much all I remember, because when my gaze settled upon the Obelisk accidentally, I found myself suddenly in the Alps.

Since I was already in the Alps, my next stop was a cave system in the heart of the mountain range. Deep within the system, I found a chamber shaped like a crescent moon. It was formed entirely from white stone, and in the center was a shaft. I climbed down the shaft and found myself in another chamber, this one formed from crystals of many colors.

I touched one of the crystals and was overcome with a vision. I was back in Mercy Mountain. Snow blanketed everything around me, and more drifted down from the gray clouds overhead. I walked down a silent, empty Broad Street as the snowflakes darkened to an ashy gray. The snow around me became coated in this gray until it seemed as though everything was grayscale like an old silver screen movie. Soon the buildings and trees around me buckled under the increasing weight of the ash. Somehow I could still walk through it all, and trudged my way along until there was no more sign of anything at all.

Upon waking from the vision, I found that the crystals were gone, and I was left in a chamber of bare gray rock with a shaft above me. I climbed back up the shaft, departed the crescent chamber, and made my way back to the world aboveground.

Before I tell you the rest of my journeys, let’s go to Julian’s Midnight Advice.

“Hi Julian. I was making pottery the other night, and while I was decorating a vase, I fell into a trance. When I awoke, I found that I had carved prophecies into the sides of the vase, telling of the doom of Mercy Mountain. I don’t know what advice to ask for, just please, help me. Signed, Apparent Oracle.”

Hi Oracle. I would take these prophecies seriously. I recommend you warn the town of their impending doom by shouting on street corners and wielding signs with vague but frightening messages.

“Hello Julian. I am not sure who I am, or who I want to be. My innermost self is a mystery to me. How do I figure myself out? Signed, Unknown.”

Hello Unknown. Much of what we are is composed of our likes and dislikes, our wants and needs. Try starting there. Try out all kinds of hobbies and activities. See what fits in your interests. Push the limits of your very self and what you think you can take or do. But if you’re really desperate to figure it out as soon as possible, you can always try drinking from the Fountain of Knowledge that stands before Town Hall. All a drink costs is everything. …Except for, well, your very self. Or much of this existence. I guess all it costs is a single marigold seed. The Fountain of Knowledge just doesn’t want everyone to know that.

Anyway.

Let’s get back to my time abroad. After my time in Denmark was over, I moved on to the neighboring country of Croatia. Croatia is perhaps best known for the failure of electronics to work inside its borders and for the sound of an untuned cello always playing somewhere over the next hill.

I hitchhiked my way through Croatia, performing Scottish Highland dances on street corners for money that would provide food and lodging. It was…a little difficult to properly perform the dances, as they are all very rhythmic, but the cello could be heard even over the music I was playing, and the cello never had the same beats as the bagpipes and accordion.

After scraping my way through Croatia, I entered the final country on my trip, Latvia. Latvia’s population has mostly been swallowed by the slowly growing maze that composes much of the countryside. One night I went to sleep in a hostel and awoke in the center of the maze with a few days of supplies at my side. I had no choice but to try to find my way out. The farther I made it, the weaker I felt, although my rations should have been sufficient to keep up my strength. Eventually it got to the point where all I could do to keep moving was crawl. By the time I saw the exit ahead of me, I could barely keep going. The desire to not have the maze swallow me as well was all that kept me alive, kept me weakly advancing. The moment I was free from the grip of that damned maze, I collapsed, unconscious. Again I awoke in a different place, this time in a hospital. The recovery process alone put an end to my travels, and I returned to Mercy Mountain as soon as I had the strength. I have not left town since.

Stay tuned next for Mercy Mountain Radio’s newest radio drama, Hapless Marmalade. Have a wonderful rest of your night, Mercy Mountain.